Thursday, October 28, 2010

Agamemdork (Working Title)

A work in progress.


 It all began two weeks prior as King Chuck, lord of many, toured the halls of his domain. King Chuck was known as a good King, protective of his own, and fair to all those who came to him. For two years he had reigned, yet already his rule was coming to a close.

  As he walked the halls, friends and allies around him, a desperate form appeared before him. The young man fell to his knees before Chuck, breath heavy and eyes low. His clothing said he had run far, his body damp and swollen. 

“Chuck, something's wrong,” said the boy, “They came and took her.”

The crowd of allies bent themselves in shock, a cloud of gasp filled the small hall to bursting.

“They wouldn't dare,” Chuck said.

The boy bowed his head, “They dare.”

“Where? How?”

“While she addressed the chess club, Chuck,” the boy said, “We defended her, but they were many. She was surely taken down-”

“No more, I won't hear of it.”

Yet there was much more to come, and all news spoke to the truth. Mary Mcguffin, fair lady of the Nerds, was taken. There was no mistaking this as anything less than a slight against the realms of Nerd, Dork and Dweeb. Across Homer Prep, every King and Queen knew that this meant war, and that King Chuck, Nerd of Nerds, would not stand down until his great lady was returned. 

Now they met, Princes and Dukes of Nerd, in the libraries sanctuary.

“Here me now,” Chuck said, many bespectacled eyes watching him intently, “I Chuck, Nerd of Nerds, ask you to join me in this quest. For our very core is under assault.”

“They took Mary!” Shouted the Duke of AV.

“They must pay!” Said the Prince of Chess.

“Yeah, screw those dicks!” Said the Duchess of Anime.

The nerds were in a riot, and glasses fogged with rage. The crowd was silenced by one among them rising. It was the Prince of Drama.

“Shamus,” Chuck said, “You dare speak here?”

Shamus, lord of Drama nerds, bowed to his audience. A smile crossed his face that chilled even Chuck, then he walked to the head of the crowd.

“I speak, oh great Chuck, for the sake of my brothers and sisters here now.”
The crowd grew quiet, eyes narrowed and bodies tensed.

“I ask,” Said Shamus, “Does this Mcguffiin mean so much, that we must all be dragged into your foolhardy conflict?”

Voices erupted yet again. This time in two tones, two groups, the kingdom of obsession shattered as always. Even thrown together in their lot, voices rose from all sides.

“She was a bitch to me.” One said.

“She remembered my name,” said another.

“She didn't come to my birthday.”

“-Totally hot-”

“-Her level 80 palladin-”


“Silence,” Chuck said, “Who questions me? Who has read more comics than me? Who thinks they know more star trek quotes than me? Who thinks they know better?”


So, a mock epic using cliqs. I want to change the title to something like Agamemdork: Of the Forais Epic. 


"To their dark pit of labor, colusseum of sweat"


I imagine Chuck as  a true nerd among nerds. Maybe wearing a cape, and having two pocket protectors. Glasses are also important.

Saturday, October 16, 2010

On Fetishes

While sex is considered one of the taboo topics in common conversation, a discussion may be required related to fetishes, in this case sexual fetishes. This topic relates back to the understanding held between individual people within a society, communication, and taboo.

Before fetishes can be discussed though, definition is required. In common vernacular there are two ways that fetish is used, interchangeably. People use fetish when saying that a person may only gain arousal using that particular subject or object. The other usage is an object that is unrelated to sex, yet causes arousal for the owner of the fetish. Because the first is uncommon, and speaks to a deeper psychological situation, it will not be discussed.  

When speaking of fetishes, it is not important to know exact fetishes, just that there are many. A fetish must be something that cannot be a normal indicator of possible sexual prowess or reproductive prowess. The average human being judges possible partners on what they deem to be indicators of this 'prowess', often secondary gender indicators (breast, hips, muscle mass and facial hair). Because we are social creatures, there is also the possibility of reproductive prowess, which shows that a partner will not only make good kids, but have the stability to raise them (money, power, motherly instinct and kindness). Considering these the benchmark which humans use for arousal benchmarks, we can determine what is and is not a fetish. Yet, when listing fetishes, some things that should be related to reproductive prowess will still be considered a fetish, because they are commonly defined as such.

It is impossible to list all fetishes, because as soon as someone attempts to, more will be hiding in the minds of those who do not wish to reveal them. Yet these deviations from the average sexual behavior will fall into groups: feature fixation, control, non-sexual fluids, appearance, food, behavior. Note that because sexual relationships are often between two or more people, all of these categories work both ways. For instance, control, which is one person having an undue amount of power over another, can be a thrill for both the one with power and the one without power. For those that found that obvious, realize that it also works the other way, with a fetish requiring no thrill on the part of one partner.  

The most interesting aspect of fetishes is the level of disgust they gain from society at large. It seems that fetishes have levels of understanding, a fetish becoming more common and understood by a society will cause people to consider it not only normal, but possible to discuss (when the taboo of talking sex has already been crossed). This is a case of cognitive dissonance. Unless otherwise told, human beings consider their actions both average and acceptable. Because sex is a taboo topic, it is often only discussed when it has been breached by people who are already close. In this case, fetishes that are brought up may match, or the fetish owner may find out that their actions are not accepted by the group. Yet, as long as the topic is not brought up, and the fetish owner finds no other way to see the level of acceptance of his fetish, they will consider what they do more acceptable, even if it is still only done behind closed doors. As an example, someone who is fixated on feet (features fixation) may find it odd that someone is turned on by smoking (behavior fetish), and may find it disgusting to eat food off of someone (food fetish). Yet, the owner of each other fetish may share the same opinion of the someone fixated on feet. Each one considers themselves more acceptable, and finds no reason to accept the others. It is also possible to know of more fetishes, and to find them acceptable even if you do not have that fetish yourself. 

For some the better question may be why. To some, fetishes are signs of deviancy, which of course they are. Deviance simply means difference from the cultural norms, moving away from what is seen as average. Because the average is such a small range, with most people having a feature that is indeed not average, this means that the word deviancy, which commonly has a negative connotation, deserves no such thing. When everyone is a deviant in some way, deviant is the norm. Yet this does not answer why they exist. There is no way to rationalize all fetishes, yet there are general rationalizations that can cover why some come into existence. Often this is a case of conditioning, which all humans are subject to. When we relate something to prowess, even when it is not commonly an indicator of prowess, it becomes a fetish.

Some fetishes may come into existence through taboo. In society we hide things for the sake of comfort and hygiene, and also because exposing them can cause arousal to others without trying to. So things that are kept hidden because of hygiene may become a fetish because it is so often hidden (feature fixation like feet, non-sexual fluids). It is also possible that an act may put a person into a thrill, causing a rise in the chemicals that are also used during sex (non-sexual fluids, control, behavior). Others may be a matter of ego, wanting control or wanting control of situations because you often already do, or because you usually do not (control, non-sexual fluids, behavior, food). Finally, a feature may be considered sexual simply because it was once before. Humans are creature of habit, conditioning, and vague memory, so when something was fun once we tend to believe that it will be so again (feature fixation, appearance, behavior), like having your first experience with someone who smoked all the time may lead to considering all people who smoke more attractive.  

The most important aspect of fetishes is that they can cause a person to suffer due to lack of communication between peers, and leaving things unspoken. They are an important aspect of a person's identity, and when they are put down or hidden they can become a darker aspect of a person's character. On top of this, finding a long time partner, only to discover that they do not like your fetish, can be problematic for relationships in a variety of ways. This is the greatest horror of the sex taboo, and the level of moral persecution that come from talking openly about sex, arousal, and everything that comes with it. Maybe this would be a good discussion for later.

Monday, October 11, 2010

Things That May Never See the Light of Day

The following are all short tidbits from my little book that I write stuff in. Some have greater stories they belong to, some are just random things I wrote down because they felt interesting.


"Sometimes things do go well, sometimes life is perfect, and in our madness we wish for chaos."

'halls filling quickly with the flock of students, each of us so common in our uniqueness. Handpicked shirts from a sweatshop, limited edition shoes fresh from the warehouse.'

(Some story I never finished)


I'd say my kindness to friend's ears,

Though they would prob'ly find it queer.

So it means zilch.

But not really.

(Another valentine poem)


She had a message written on her sweatpants rear, and as I learned, her crotch and each nipple as  well. I had to circle her to read each tidbit, from right to left nip, front to back. It said "Do" "Not" "Dare" "Read This". A cute joke, clever little girl.

(Don't even know yet)


I liked that, your gift

You gave so freely,

As a shff shff reaches my ears,

As my tongue reaches yours,

As you hold your breath trying to tie it down,

But I want that too,

For free,

So to plunderr it I will make you as red as I must.

(An attempt at racey poetry)


"You put me in a box, in that corner of your mind where you keep porn and math formulas." He said.

"That would explain a lot," I said.

"You know, you're jealous." He said, "The only characters used to be yours. The stories used to be yours. Now you're surrounded by writers, you're not special, just another hack."

(I don't even remember writing this. This was me talking to myself I guess. Man I'm mean to myself)


Snoring students wait for bell rings,

Boring speakers singing softly,

Stark lights, friend to blind kids, not the

Darkness, Blackness that envelops

Fertile gardens, gentle lights a

Girdle minds won't live long without.

(A poem where I was trying something weird. Many died)


"What if I told you this wasn't the first time we met. That tomorrow we'll meet again for the first time, then again, and again... until finally we are together forever."

"Then this toast is to a hundred first dates then."

(A weird time travel story. Cute and creepy)


Where men are always bumbling


Where women are always Blonde, always shit, Bombshells, BS.

Where one in seven of the gang is Black,

Where Ohio men come from Cali, Wisconsin gals are from Sea-town

Where big business is our best friend, holding our hand till the end.

Where chemicals are alive, and love you, fight for you.

(A poem so far called Admerica)

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

Magic the Gathering's Great Designer Search (2)

So I guess wizards (of the coast) has started a repeat of their grand contest to find people to design more magic cards for them. This was a big deal previously, indeed it determined the future of 3 (out of 1,000 or so) nerds, who now have a job at Wizards of the Coast.

As a college student with a part time job, way too much homework, and extra curricular activities a plenty, I decided that it was important for me to choke my schedule further by joining in this affair. There will be essay questions, multiple-choice, and a segment that is my personal favorite, worldbuilding. That is to say, designing your own little universe to play in.

A lot of people are... quite frankly... bad at this. I figure it makes up for their skill at actually designing cards, or mechanics. Not everyone can have the whole package. The people with the whole package will probably be working at Wizards this time next year.

Me, I am going to give it my best shot, and then move on witth my life after the fact.

They have a wiki set up for this insidious excercise. It allows people to share ideas, read thoughts of others, and discuss what they are doing. It is brilliant for both the participants, and for Wizards, who has free access to all of these ideas even after the contest is over.

If you want to see my own failings, here is a link. I will probably be blogging some thoughts about magic over there for a little bit, just to get myself in the mood.