On Stories

In this case, a discussion on what we tell stories about, and why that may be the case. These concepts happen to be a matter of personal importance, examining the reason and purpose behind storytelling. Up until this point there have been many ideas as to why stories are told, what makes a good story, and what evokes the strongest feelings from readers. The responsibilities of the poet and author have adjusted countless times, and this essay will not manage to take into account a one truth or even a majority of truths prior. This essay will tell the truth from one perspective, in my own opinion this is the best sort of truth.

Four concepts, each of them something we are all aware of as readers, are what I decided on. When man writes it is one of these that he sets to develop, to take advantage of. It is because in different degrees, these things are on the mind of nearly all living humans. To simplify it so far is a shame, so I will elaborate further. These four concepts, After-death, Religiousness, The Unknowable Cosmos, The Irrational Human, come together to create every story worth telling. It is when a story lacks these things that we do not have a story, we have journalism, a diary, those bits of writing that are simply a telling of events.

After-death, the afterlife, the forever after, death, the concept that makes us self-aware. It is because we know death is on the horizon, that we can die and that death means the end of this life, this makes us human. For some after-death is only the beginning, there will be another life even if it means reincarnation, life as an apparition, or a field of clouds and white robes. For others, it is a matter of decomposition, of how cold the dark eternity will be, that alien concept of nothingness. Mortality becomes a motivator that resonates to some degree with all human beings. For some, those with a tradition of religious or ritual reassurance, this matter is reduced to a minimum. Yet death still takes you from your family, your friends, your life here will end. If any reader has not stopped to ponder that yet, I beg them to do it now, death is always an end, if not the end. In stories this may present itself as something as simple as mortal danger, any being we care for is one we do not wish to see die. Other possibilities is someone trying to leave something behind before they die, or trying to penetrate death's mysteries. The fact that Death is so often given thoughts of its own, given a body cloaked in black, shows how important a figure it plays in any story.

Religion was mentioned before in the definition for After-death, and it is the oddest on this list. Unlike the other three, Religion is the known concept, it is the one that presents itself as an answer to the others, instead of a mystery to be solved. Religion comes in different shapes, sizes, colors, attitudes, yet each has a purpose of organizing eternity into something we can understand. Death may end this life, but it could begin a new one, or maybe some practice in this life will make eternity warm. The cosmos is not a stranger, it is an engaging force, that knows you, and reflects you. This is what is taught in many religions, and it is believed at different levels by different people. Belief is the most powerful force created from self-awareness. Instinct is pushed to the back of the mind, and what we think we know becomes the defined walls shaped around our reality. This does not require a church or temple, nor a holy book or prayer. Belief and religion are found everywhere that we trust the proclamation of someone else, and let it define our lives. To an extent, this makes religion impossible to escape, and so faith holds an important place in our stories.

The Unknowable Cosmos is linked by its nature to Religion. What the Unknowable Cosmos is, Religion tries to explain. From the ancient quote of Socrates, we know that the wise are those who know they know nothing. We attempt to categorize and structure our reality, whether through science or faith, but there will always be more waiting just beneath that which we cannot understand. Tomorrow may not come, and we have no idea the countless unknowns that could bring about that end. In stories this could take the shape of beings alien to our own way of life, or it could be close to home like untold power waiting within the human body. The essence of it is that we do not know, and the facts that we don't know can surely kill us, or make life a paradise. Like with other concepts, the Unknowable Cosmos can play a balancing act with religion. When you believe that life beyond the stars has already been explained, you are less interested in what could be out there.

The last concept, yet a crucial one for many stories, is the Irrational Human. Every day we spend our days around human beings, on a planet full of them, a planet that could be destroyed or saved by their actions. We speak to other humans, we work with them, we love them, we fear them, yet what we can never do is know them. We empathize and sympathize, we learn from other human beings on a daily basis and we feel their pain and glee. Humans naturally work together in a way that we often underestimate, put down to save our own individuality. Yet when we see someone do something truly individual, break from the mold that we understand, we find that all we can do is make excuses. In truth, the inside of every other human being is separate to them, and as much as we feel that we connect with another, they have lived their own life with influences that may be near identical but are still slightly foreign in that they are someone else's. Why does a 'good' man turn to murder? Why do rational people join hate groups? Why did she say this and why did he do that? When we try to reflect ourselves on another human being, our explanation can only go so far as our understanding gained in our own life. Often our own experiences will not be enough, and this does not require tragedy. If a man steals, we call him a criminal when he may see himself a hero to his family, or simply resisting a system of living that does not support him. As much as we hope that we can predict the world around us, human beings may still make actions that surprise us, disrupt us, and the reasons or lack of reasons why can make for the best stories.

These four concepts, After-death, Religion, The Unknowable Cosmos, and the Irrational Human, all intermingle to create the stories worth hearing. Why does is a ghost back for revenge? What force has empowered this madman? Where will our hero go now that he has fallen? Without these concepts, what would we tell others to excite them? I cannot think of anything, yet I won't say that there is nothing.

On Fetishes

While sex is considered one of the taboo topics in common conversation, a discussion may be required related to fetishes, in this case sexual fetishes. This topic relates back to the understanding held between individual people within a society, communication, and taboo.

Before fetishes can be discussed though, definition is required. In common vernacular there are two ways that fetish is used, interchangeably. People use fetish when saying that a person may only gain arousal using that particular subject or object. The other usage is an object that is unrelated to sex, yet causes arousal for the owner of the fetish. Because the first is uncommon, and speaks to a deeper psychological situation, it will not be discussed.  

When speaking of fetishes, it is not important to know exact fetishes, just that there are many. A fetish must be something that cannot be a normal indicator of possible sexual prowess or reproductive prowess. The average human being judges possible partners on what they deem to be indicators of this 'prowess', often secondary gender indicators (breast, hips, muscle mass and facial hair). Because we are social creatures, there is also the possibility of reproductive prowess, which shows that a partner will not only make good kids, but have the stability to raise them (money, power, motherly instinct and kindness). Considering these the benchmark which humans use for arousal benchmarks, we can determine what is and is not a fetish. Yet, when listing fetishes, some things that should be related to reproductive prowess will still be considered a fetish, because they are commonly defined as such.

It is impossible to list all fetishes, because as soon as someone attempts to, more will be hiding in the minds of those who do not wish to reveal them. Yet these deviations from the average sexual behavior will fall into groups: feature fixation, control, non-sexual fluids, appearance, food, behavior. Note that because sexual relationships are often between two or more people, all of these categories work both ways. For instance, control, which is one person having an undue amount of power over another, can be a thrill for both the one with power and the one without power. For those that found that obvious, realize that it also works the other way, with a fetish requiring no thrill on the part of one partner.  

The most interesting aspect of fetishes is the level of disgust they gain from society at large. It seems that fetishes have levels of understanding, a fetish becoming more common and understood by a society will cause people to consider it not only normal, but possible to discuss (when the taboo of talking sex has already been crossed). This is a case of cognitive dissonance. Unless otherwise told, human beings consider their actions both average and acceptable. Because sex is a taboo topic, it is often only discussed when it has been breached by people who are already close. In this case, fetishes that are brought up may match, or the fetish owner may find out that their actions are not accepted by the group. Yet, as long as the topic is not brought up, and the fetish owner finds no other way to see the level of acceptance of his fetish, they will consider what they do more acceptable, even if it is still only done behind closed doors. As an example, someone who is fixated on feet (features fixation) may find it odd that someone is turned on by smoking (behavior fetish), and may find it disgusting to eat food off of someone (food fetish). Yet, the owner of each other fetish may share the same opinion of the someone fixated on feet. Each one considers themselves more acceptable, and finds no reason to accept the others. It is also possible to know of more fetishes, and to find them acceptable even if you do not have that fetish yourself. 

For some the better question may be why. To some, fetishes are signs of deviancy, which of course they are. Deviance simply means difference from the cultural norms, moving away from what is seen as average. Because the average is such a small range, with most people having a feature that is indeed not average, this means that the word deviancy, which commonly has a negative connotation, deserves no such thing. When everyone is a deviant in some way, deviant is the norm. Yet this does not answer why they exist. There is no way to rationalize all fetishes, yet there are general rationalizations that can cover why some come into existence. Often this is a case of conditioning, which all humans are subject to. When we relate something to prowess, even when it is not commonly an indicator of prowess, it becomes a fetish.

Some fetishes may come into existence through taboo. In society we hide things for the sake of comfort and hygiene, and also because exposing them can cause arousal to others without trying to. So things that are kept hidden because of hygiene may become a fetish because it is so often hidden (feature fixation like feet, non-sexual fluids). It is also possible that an act may put a person into a thrill, causing a rise in the chemicals that are also used during sex (non-sexual fluids, control, behavior). Others may be a matter of ego, wanting control or wanting control of situations because you often already do, or because you usually do not (control, non-sexual fluids, behavior, food). Finally, a feature may be considered sexual simply because it was once before. Humans are creature of habit, conditioning, and vague memory, so when something was fun once we tend to believe that it will be so again (feature fixation, appearance, behavior), like having your first experience with someone who smoked all the time may lead to considering all people who smoke more attractive.  

The most important aspect of fetishes is that they can cause a person to suffer due to lack of communication between peers, and leaving things unspoken. They are an important aspect of a person's identity, and when they are put down or hidden they can become a darker aspect of a person's character. On top of this, finding a long time partner, only to discover that they do not like your fetish, can be problematic for relationships in a variety of ways. This is the greatest horror of the sex taboo, and the level of moral persecution that come from talking openly about sex, arousal, and everything that comes with it. Maybe this would be a good discussion for later.

PAX: "Guild Wars 2"

I have loved the original Guild Wars ever since it was sold to me with a masterful misdirection. The idea implanted in my mind was that the choices of skills going into a round of PvP in Guild Wars was like building a deck for Magic the Gathering. They told me something was going to be like something I liked, building decks. It was unfair really, I had no options at that point. Turning away from the game would have meant lying to my self, while following the game meant accepting what I knew was on some level a lie.

Guild Wars was special though. Not just its monthly fee (which is non-existant), but in the structure. It was a PvP game first, and that was the difference. The game was built around it, the way you made a character, the way items were balanced, the abilities were crafted to it. We couldn't hide this, not when one overpowered team composition could lead to PvE changing when an ability was 'rebalanced'.

It was all in the title. Guilds would fight one another, war even. You knew what the game was about just by picking it up. I played for years, took months off but always came back. I could play a little alone, but the game shined when my friends and I created teams that we hoped could take on all comers. They rarely could, but it is never about the result of a journey now is it? Laughs were had, frustrations were vented, people raged and new ideas were formed by the steam. Then we would try yet again.

So, having a chance to play Guild Wars 2 is something close to touching a warped memory. I know the world, I know the races and classes, yet this was not my Guild Wars. The system for everything seemed different, the game moved fluid in PvE, things were not the same.

The creators let fly facts as I waited to play. The game had dynamic events, connecting players to fight great beast that had no schedule, and could show when you least expect it. Weapons related to your skills, 10 now instead of the 8 I remember being compared to a 60 card magic deck. With the weapons you equip, some of your skills automatically change with, making them so much more important.

This felt like, dare I say it, a PvE focused game. It was a world where people roamed the overmap, and fought large monsters, hoping to defeat it and get cool loot.These were things that 'could' be done in their own ways in Guild Wars, but in the end it was all to benefit that all important war. You leveled so you could fight other guilds, you got money so you could buy gear to fight other guilds. The game was not deep, but it did not feel the need to be.

So I worried, even as I enjoyed my time as a ferocious Charr warrior. I enjoyed the carnal ripping of my enemies, but wondered what I might lose in the PvP sections of the game. There were aspects I liked, the events reminded me of the community merging open quest of WAR. The skills reminded me of my past love, Guild Wars. Yet it was the movement, smooth and intentful, that doomed it.

Yet it has the benefit of the doubt. Unlike The Old Republic, storytelling will not drive this game through boredom. I will stick to it though, let it take me where it wants to go, and at least give it a shot. No monthly fee says it cannot be so bad as to ruin me.

PAX: Day Two

Day two had a different purpose, and everyone could feel it. While day one was visceral, instinct driving everyone to raw experiences within the expo halls. Day two was about learning, nothing important to anyone else, or anyone of grand importance. The plan was to enrich yourself in the field we all agreed upon, the game.

A short course on Women's Studies, or a Journalism class, Leadership courses, or maybe Graphic Design. Here though there were no credits, no days of homework rolling in and out, and the professors were the very people who ran the fields in question. Classrooms that lasted for an hour, snuggled into small rooms with big screens and long hanging microphones. Classrooms that began with explosive presentations, and ended with Q&A. These were panels, nearly as varied as the people at the convention, and scattered to every floor of the building.

These panels have a problem though, since many students didn't wait hours at a time just to squeeze into their morning class. They are limited, one shot at one time, and there is never enough space. A room that can fit 100 can attract 500 visitors, and woe be to those who thought it was enough to show up on time. Or the fool like me who thinks he can go from one panel to another, when one ends when another begins.

I wanted three panels, one on writing in the game industry, one simply for the joy of watching others play the game, and the last to learn more about an upcoming release. I had to drop one, for time alone, and my evening still felt pressed for time. I skipped playing a small game that caught my eye, simply to find enough time to get off my feet.

My last 'class' did not disappoint though, and my evening ended with the bang of new surprises and renewed anticipation for a game I've always wanted. This was the joy of new information, a hype engine that runs on solar power.

Day two winded down, and now all that's left is to rest, and prepare for the final day. There are so many things I've yet to try, and one more day to give them a shot.

PAX: Day One

You truly know its here when you have trouble sleeping the night before, roll over endlessly in your bed, waiting for the sun to rise and the fun of tomorrow to begin. No, this isn't Christmas, though close enough for some. Santa's little venture at the end of Summer.

This was waking up for Pax. Even though the rest of my family was up just as early for the birth of my new niece in about 5 hours, I was focused elsewhere. Even then, when my ride came calling, I wasn't fully dressed, and my packing job was left a lot to be desired. I didn't know what to do, if I should bring this food or that, these cloths or those, what I would need and how much of it. We tucked into the little black ride and went to the meet. The pax goers, the pax group, some having been there every year since High School, others a little newer. Hotel money was collected, cars were organized, and we were off for the long drive to Seattle.

The long drive was made even longer by the crowded streets of Seattle. A zig zag of one ways and uncooperative GPS lead to white knuckles, Pax was close, and few obstacles hung in our way. Valets and bag checks concluded, it was time for the first stage of pax: lines.

We did good this year. Every year Pax begins with a huge line of nerds and nerdettes outside the building, waiting for the hall to open. Within the last few years, this line actually became a line for the exposition hall, where new games were shown and swag was given away. Anyone who was anyone knew that if you waited 30 minutes after the expo hall was open, the line would be gone, and you could just walk in normally for the rest of the day, so we skipped that line completely, to go to another line. This one for the theater, which was a five or so minute walk away, and had already reached Space Mountain-like proportions. It actually circled the building a full time, and those like us, waiting for the Keynote at the end of the line, were stuck looking through windows at those at the very FRONT of that queueing debacle.

So we left, somehow managing to skip one line, wait in a line, yet get no benefit out of either.

Women and Men swarmed the building, dressed in every color and shape of dress imaginable. Outfits society would imagine should bring shame; like a hooker in short shorts and stockings, some were dressed for the job. In under a minute I saw Poo from Earthbound, Vega from Street Fighter, and a girl wearing fishnets and a mini-skirt who just seemed to like her legs.

We made it to the Expo hall though, packed to the wall with new games, retro games, big games and Indie games. People waited in more lines, experiencing things they before trusted to the words of underpaid game journalist. I saw games that made my mouth water, drilled at my ear drums, and nearly burned my eyes out. The floor was hot with as many anticipated titles as I could hope for, and held a few surprises as well.

I moved through the smell, a scent varied by location and not altogether unpleasant, to start on my mission. There were objectives, few and easy to achieve, but each was required to fulfill the journey that was Pax. Games that needed to be played, and swag that needed to be obtained.

Day One is coming to a close, one objective is already complete, and the nightly concerts are about to begin. These sweaty, digital raves are both a godsend and a hell of their own, creating a bath of energy that cannot be resisted, escaped, yet is not always likened to joy.

I cannot wait for Day Two. 

On Anonymity

When discussing anonymous identification, in this case pertaining to online communities and forums, there are a few different issues to take into account. A few I discussed previously, in my short look at usernames and names, what they mean to us, and if they are important to a community.

On the other hand, when people are allowed to be anonymous, they can disconnect themselves from a name, as well as from their own appearance and history. This shield from accountability can lead to behavior that builds a community, or destroys it. Unrelated to the strength of the community, the behavior of the community may lean toward socially accepted good or bad based on the allowance of anonymous identification.

Note that this discussion will not relate to whether humans are naturally good or bad (the answer is neither by the way), since we are discussing matured humans who have accepted society. The basic nature of humans does not relate to how they act once integrated into the world.

Law, or more specifically criminology, has beliefs on the effectiveness of laws based on how likely a law is to be enforced. While people should not jaywalk, people often do so anyway because they don't know anyone that has been punished for jaywalking. The proliferation of music downloads, and torrenting, are also considered related to the likely-hood of being punished. While punishment related to music arrest have become more common in the news, it is usually punishment for those who run the websites or programs that download the music, not the downloaders themselves.

This idea reflects on society in general. While every culture reflects its ideas of unacceptable behavior on every child, a person may decide that they will take part in that unacceptable behavior if there is no fear of being punished. This is how people start smoking, cursing, watching porn, using racially charged words, etc. A child who knows their parents won't punish them if they skip school, has a high likely-hood of skipping more often.

We also know that as humans, we like to move with the crowd. From music, to art, to TV shows, to food, we like to do something if other people are doing it as well. The ancient phrase “If ____ jumped off a bridge, would you too?” is based on this very thing. When faced with the choice of acting like those we are often around, or following some greater rule of society, nature says to follow the crowd. If everyone looks one way, you look there too. If everyone starts running, you don't ask questions, you just get out of there!

So we know now that names are important for identification, accountability, and punishment. We also know that without the fear of punishment, humans may partake of behavior that they know is socially unacceptable. Finally, we know that humans like to act as a crowd, following what others are doing if they find enough people are doing it.

In relation to anonymous identification, communities that allow it, of course the primary case being Christopher Poole's 4chan.org, are a risky environment.

There are situations where people do good things when anonymous, blood donors, toy drives and other donations show that people can do great things when given the chance to do something without getting credit. Of course, these situations are also framed so that the one input that people can give, is good things. The movement of the crowd in this case is toward helping others, and since this framework is established there is no risk that unacceptable behavior will come out it.

When not given a structure, humans acting anonymously are a bit more random. Christopher Poole recently gave a presentation at the TED2010 conference, discussing some of the acts 4chan has accomplished. Saving a cat nicknamed Dusty was one, the resurgence of singer Rick Astley was another. The memetic spread of 4chan has greatly influenced the internet, this is undeniable. Lots of known memes, repeatable phrases and/or images, have either started or grown to full power on 4chan's pages. So has a lot of images of graphic violence, racist imagery and phrases, and mass piracy.

In the case of a site like that, where many posters discuss things with one another while many are completely anonymous, it does not take much for people to become negative, or purposely antagonize one another. The only consequence are breaking the hard rules of the community, anything short of that is accepted and therefore happens often. Trolling one another, purposely antagonizing someone in order to see their reaction or ruin their conversation, is not only common but a part of the culture.

Why this happens may relate to the earlier issues discussed. People are capable of acting good when anonymous, and if this happens then it is possible that others will see this and decide that they should also act good. When acting good though, there is no risk involved. On the other hand, an online community is the perfect place to act in ways that society usually does not allow or accept, because there is no risk for punishment. So when one person discovers this, and decides that they want to antagonize someone, or spill discriminating words for no reason, or show graphic imagery for no reason other than to shock someone; others see this, realize they can do likewise, and partake in the actions of the crowd.

An anonymous community has the capability to be very useful for the same reasons it is risky. It is also a place where people need not risk being judged based on past instigations or comments, each of their ideas can be identified and judged based on the comments merits. In a place where an arbiter made sure comments and rebuttals were relevant and informed, this would be a boon for frank discussion where people were not afraid to say the things everyone did not want to hear. Without these things, there is no reason to take a comment seriously, when it may be more fun for one of hundreds of people to troll the person's stance instead, giving falsified or unsubstantiated replies instead.

When looking at anonymous as a framework for an online community, there are a lot of issues, but a lot of possibility for gain. Though people may have the capability to do good things, or get a lot done, this often doesn't happen when it may seem more enjoyable or refreshing to antagonize one another instead. This is not a reason to abandon the internet as a place of community though.

Image from Penny-arcade.com

On Usernames

On the topic of usernames, the first thing to consider is names in general. While it is of no use to think of names at a time before written record, it is important to think about the meaning and tradition built up around them. In some cultures your name comes directly from the names of your parents, in others it is given to you from an endless list of possibilities. Old fashioned Indonesian names are simply one name, while other cultures can produce more than five for one person. They may also have a greater meaning, belonging to the hopes parents have for their child, or omens witnessed around the time of birth. Names can simply relate to visual things, star, flower. They can also be concepts, like hope.

Names also traditionally hold power. Someone's true name allows magical influence over, or may call its eye upon you. While this idea is much older than the Christian faith, this is the reason why the Jewish people withhold the name of their lord, and don't write it somewhere that can be erased. Those who know your name are close to you sympathetically, they can have influence over you. Without the need for magic or faith, this is true on a base level. Names work as identification for accusation, commendation, all close human acts. When we do not wish to be moved by someone, to stay completely detached, we purposely neglect to learn their name. Those we have not learned the name of, we cannot truly know.

From just this we know a lot about names. Names can mean a lot just in their words, or mean very little. Words can relate to the world, or something greater than the world. Names can identify you as part of a culture. They can be long or short. Most of all, names have power.

This all applies to usernames as well, the monikers people self-apply for use online or within specific services. A username may relate to physical concepts like places or things, or to metaphysical concepts. Often usernames can identify you as part of a culture, 'azn' being shorthand for a generalization its users often hate to have aimed at them; they are Asian and want us to know. Usernames may have length longer than actually required, gaining decoration and numbers like 'xXcoolguyXx' or 'diamondprohere23' that may have no bearing on the name itself.

One thing that cannot be denied though is that usernames have power. Like any name, it allows for one to identify another, for the sake of admonishment or praise. The username will allow one to be singled out. Usernames and the identification with them can also lead to popularity, say the right things at the right places and people will remember you.

Yet a username is not a true name. Should they still be respected? One name is under another name meant only for virtual purposes. That username may only exist at that one place, or carry over to many others. It is possible then that when that username is being used, the person beneath is acting differently than they normally would. While their username can be held accountable for these actions, sometimes they (the person) cannot be. Several usernames all referring to one person is problematic for accountability, a basic piece of order.

Still, if that username can be punished, putting one internet troll to rest regardless of the repercussions for the true name behind it, the username has served its purpose. Within the community that username belongs to, the power of that name has been used. Even if the person behind the username was creating a false persona for that community, that person runs the risk of being punished based on the actions of that username. Therefore a username is very serious business, as serious as the internet itself even. Even if the content of a username seems like a joke, or the person behind the username seems less than serious, the username and person should be treated as just that. The username has meaning and power for that person, it may relate to history or concepts that they judged adequate to represent them. If they were in bad judgement based on the name alone, that is their choice, and they shall have to live with that choice.

This idea, of usernames representing the person as they exist within communities on the internet, gives way to discussion on the veil between user and community. The behavior created by anonymity is worth a look all by itself.

Image from Superpoop.com